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28/9/2009 - Sad day.

Hello and welcome.

This wil be my first blog on the website and i am exited but also very sad today. I am exited because i can write here ofcourse and i am curious how it all works. But i am here for more things ofcours.

You all dont know my life story and i dont wanna bring up to many from my past. I wanna talk about things from now and sometimes things from the past.

My boyfriend and i wanna have children we are together since 10/03/2006 and since almust 2 years we wanna have kids and yes i was 17 when we started but i was on medication so i couldnt get babys and that needed to go out of my body and sometimes would that mean that it needs months. I know we started in januari 2008. I was more ready for children than my boyfriend was because i had this wish already for years. But i didnt get my periode the first month we both thought i would be pregnant already so we got a test.. it said we were not pregnant. well in 2 years time i was in my periode 5 times. We dont know why or how it can be so long to get my periode again. I went see doctor to test me if i can get pregnant i never heard after 2 months if i was okay or not. My boyfriend had a hard time to let him test but he did it because his wish i almust as big as mine. But after 2 years of fighting to get a kid its getting harder and harder. You start thinging of things that you never thought before like adoption or things like that i never realised that theres maybe not a change to get pregnant and after 2 years you really know that not everybody is getting that fast pregnant. Everybody around me getting pregnant and my crying i cant keep up anymore.. The hardest time was when my sister get pregnant of her 3th baby i had really a hard time because we were busy a year when she got pregnant. My jalousy level was high and i didnt wanted to go there anymore i told even my boyfriend that that was my baby that she had her in her hands. After 2 months i was gonna accept that that was her baby and i had peace with it she wanted another baby and i couldnt blame her. Time past and we went see a doc as i said earlyer. I just get to hear today that my sister is pregnant again her son not even 7 months old. I felt worser than ever she had 3 kids 3 beautyfull children how could she get pregnant and i dont.. she has enough 2 boys and a girl what would she want more. When she told her that she was thinking of getting it away i told her no you cant. The reason even when i gonna feel so bad that she is pregnant the reason is that i told her that is that there are so mutch people who cant have kids maybe just like me those are wanna die for it to get kids how can people like that just take it away with no feeling?.. She told me she wanted to keep it. But when the night comes i feel worser and worser and i dont know were i can hide my pain anymore. The pain in my heart is getting worser and it feels like dieing inside. I dont know what to say els this are my feelings that i have. And i hope that we get more info about me and my boyfriend soon to know if all is okay.

Bye for now i hope to see you al soon

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About Me

Hello and welcome. I made this because of things in my life. I need to write it somewere and let people know that those who know the feelings i got that they not alone in this. I am just 19 years old and i feel older of everything i been true. My english is not well i am from the netherlands so sometimes i write things wrong but if you can understand it i am already very happy with it.

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