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My life.

Best friend (2).

So guess what? I was finally in that progress where I was accepting the fact that he wasn't in my life anymore. And then .. He came back into it.
You wanna know what I did? I accept it. How stupid was I ?

The anwser : Very stupid.

We talked a lil' bit and then it looked like nothing ever happened.
Still it was bothering me. I let it effect me. So I spoke with a good friend of mine. She said that he treated me like shit and then when he finally realized what he had lost, I admitted to him. I just was okay with it or something like that. So I asked what I should do. Cuz I forgive so easily. Just because I don't wanna lose people who I'm close to. But okay, she said I had to say what I wanted to happen.
So the next day, if I remember correctly, he started a conversation again. I just finished work so I was on my way home. I didn't knew how to tell him, but I did. He promised me that he would talk to me in real life. But guess what? That was a few weeks ago. Maybe a month now. And he still didn't talk.
How I feel? I feel like shit. Just because he treat me that way. He let me down, came back, promised me something that wouldn't happen and then .. He let me with a feeling that sucks very bad. What I wanna do? I wanna forget him. Get him outta my mind. But I can't. You know why ? Because I love him so fucking bad.
It's like I'm a hole and I can't get out of it. It's too deep or something. He plays with me like I'm a doll and I still love that asshole.
Asking myself what's wrong with me. Why am I doing this to myself.
I wanna say that I'm over him. And I wanna mean it, but hey? I can't turn off those feelings.
What I hope? I hope that it's gonna be as it just to be.

What HIS problem is? I guess he doesn't know what to do. He's shy. But what am I supposed to do. I already done everything. I've done too much! Now it's his turn to put an effort. And what I'm gonna do? I'm going on with my life and secretly hoping he's gonna talk with me.

21:09 - 18/1/2013 - comments {0} - post comment

Best friend.

For a whole year I was been friends with the name Deniz. He was the best friend I've ever could wish for. He's personality is so beautiful and he is handsome too. But because of his personality I fell in love. He doesn't know and I think he'll never find out. Because if I tell him our friendship would be ruined. And I don't want that to happen. He was also my classmate. But this year it change so much. I don't talk to him anymore because we're always busy with school ( it's a very important school year ). And when I start a conversation he always answer with just one word. If I compare this year with last year then I see so much changes. And the feeling I get from it sucks. I see how close he is with another girl and it feels like he replaced me. I can't tell him what I think about our friendship because one time I did and he told me that I was complaining and I was overreacting. Since that day it changed more. I don't talk to him anymore. Only if we walk pass each other we say " hi ". But that's it. It feels like he isn't my best friend anymore and I hope that will change back. It sucks so much that the one you were so close with become to be the stranger in your life again. But maybe it's for the best, because if I don't have any contact with him I stop liking him. I don't know ..I will see how this is gonna end.

14:44 - 29/9/2012 - comments {0} - post comment

my dreams.

For the first time in my life I felt so decided. Someone believed in me.
It was a teacher who said that I was a smart girl and told me that I could
accomplish what I wanted to do in my life. That teacher pushed me to make a blog, because she knows how much I love to write. And she said I'm pretty good at it. So I do this because of her.  But okay, I was telling you 'bout my biggest dream.

I made some plans for the future. I told myself and others that I would travel around the world.
I would go with or without a friend and I said that I'll never come back.
I want to see the whole world and I know that's not possible , but I want to see as much as possible.
And I know it will happen. When I'm old enough.
Because I don't want to stay here, in the Netherlands, I want to see how it is at other places. I'm so freaking curious. And nothing is going to stop me from living my dreams.
I will search for a job in the country I will be at the moment, so I can stay for a few weeks or longer.

But I'm not there yet. I have to do so much before I can go living the dream. This only is a plan. This is what is in my head. But trust me, I will make this dream reality. And I know I have to give up many things. And I have to fight or else it won't happen. But I won't give up on this dream, because this is what I really really want.

19:16 - 26/9/2012 - comments {0} - post comment

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