Ellen Says

Emily : I am going to Europe, Richard. I am going to Europe, and I'm going to have a marvelous time. I'm going to get up at 10:00, and I'm going to have two glasses of wine at lunch every single day.

Richard : Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch.

Emily : Well, then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business.

[After Logan has just called her his "girlfriend" for the first time]

Rory : You OK over there? Do you need a glass of water or... a time machine?

[To the mother of one of her pupils]

Paris : She's got a C-Average which means she's either lazy or stupid. I can work with either. Frankly stupid's sometimes easier, I can scare the stupid out of you but the lazy runs deep.

Lorelai : I got here early and there was nothing to do except feed gummy bears to the bomb-sniffing dogs which, apparently, the United States government frowns upon.

Rory : You got in trouble with the government while you were waiting for me?

Lorelai : Just a little.

Rory : How much is a little?

Lorelai : Learn Russian.

Lorelai : You are not seriously sitting there.

Emily : No. It's a hologram. Lifelike, isn't it?

Lorelai : So, at what time does the judgmental express arrive?

Rory : Grandma gets here at noon.

Emily : Of course this time of year so many people start playing that awful winter tennis with the chicken-mark cages and the heated courts.

Richard : Platform tennis can be very enjoyable, Emily.

Emily : Yes. But it looks ridiculous. Like glorified ping-pong. If I wanted to play ping-pong, I would... [silence] Well, if I wanted to play ping-pong I would kill myself.

Lorelai : Well, the cutlery convention is sitting down for tea.

Michel : I’m doing internal cartwheels.

Rory : [reading Christopher's text message out loud] : TPTDI.

Lorelai : What does that mean?

Rory : Totally psyched to do it.

Lorelai : He's making up his own acronyms?

Rory : Yeah and he's just learned how to make a happy face.

Lorelai : Sorry kid, what can I say... He was really hot in high school.

Mrs. Kim : What do you mean, Luke’s left town?

Lorelai : Eh... well. I mean, Luke’s left town, he’s got far away from town, town’s there and Luke’s over here.

Mrs. Kim : He’s not coming to the wedding with you?

Lorelai : No.

Mrs. Kim : You mean you’re coming alone, unescorted?

Lorelai : Rory will be there, so...

Mrs. Kim : No, she won’t like it.

Lorelai : Who won’t?

Mrs. Kim : You can’t come alone. An unmarried woman, of a certain age, unescorted, wearing the clothes you tend to wear, people will think things, bad things.

Lorelai : Like what?

Mrs. Kim : Like you’re a tramp and possibly for sale.

Lorelai : Wow. Suddenly... Footloose... not seeming so silly.

Mrs. Kim : What are we gonna do?

Lorelai : Well... First of all, we should agree on a price.

Mrs. Kim : You have to find someone to bring, you have to find a man.

Lorelai : In one day? Are you kidding me? It took me this long to find Luke.

Mrs. Kim : My daughter wants you at here wedding, fine. But if you’re to come, you need to come with a man. And Kirk does not count!

Lorelai : Lorelai Gilmore... Disappointing mothers since 1968.

Lorelai : Hey, aren’t chuppahs Jewish?

Luke : Maybe.

Lorelai : Is it ok that Max and I aren’t Jewish?

Luke : It’s ok by me.

Lorelai : I mean to stand under it. God won’t smythe us, or anything?

Luke : I highly doubt it. Plus, God would probably have to get a license from Taylor to do any smything in Stars Hollow on a weekend, so I’d say you’re safe.

Rory : Can I ask you an ethical question?

Lorelai : Hm.

Rory : Is it right to be sampling wedding cakes when Suki is making us one for free?

Lorelai : What is right, anyway? You know, who defines right? And if eating cake is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Fran [calling from the back] : I’m bringing out a mocca crunch cream!

[silence]

Lorelai : So, ethics?

Rory : Highly subjective and completely overrated.

Lorelai : That’s my girl.

Rory : You should walk down the isle to Frank Sinatra, with a huge bouquet of something that smells really good.

Lorelai : Pot roast.

Lorelai : Hm... Kick-ass wine.

Emily : How poetic.