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Love was seeing you through the window on my door with a smile on your face. Love was waking up next to you, eating breakfast with you, watching the look on your face while you cooked for me. It was the way you finished my sentences, the way you listened, the way you replied, the way you let me cry. It was laughing in bed, it was crying together, it was long embraces and kisses that tore down the walls and made me forget that anything negative ever happened in my life. It was watching tears stream down your face when you realized I love you, it was watching movies together, it was riding roller coasters, it was drinking vodka, playing pool, smoking cigarettes on your balcony in the middle of the night. It was Amsterdam, driving in your car, listening to Funeral For A Friend, It was Coffee shops and tired eyes, it was the relief I felt when I looked at you and realized that you love me not because you think I'm beautiful or because you want something from me. Love was knowing that you love me simply because of who I am, simply because I exist. Love is looking at photographs to remember what your smile is like. Its waking up alone, wishing I could dream of you a little more often. Its cooking for two but only setting the table for one, Its the left overs in the fridge. Its the way I cry alone, the way I can't tell you everything that's bothering me, Its being cold in bed, its walls building up in me again. Love is the absense of laughter during a funny movie, an empty vodka glass, smoking too many cigarettes, its taking a walk late at night because I can't sleep. Its coffee shops and crying eyes. Its wearing an old torn sweater that you used to wear, its bursting into tears at random times. Love is looking out the window whenever I hear a car that sounds like yours drive past, a short phone call that only makes me miss you more. It's wishing I could walk on water. I catch myself in mid air, doubting everything you ever said to me. I can hardly remember your scent, I can't remember it at all to be honest. Only in the morning when the first shimmer of sunlight comes through my window and kisses my eyelids to wake me, when the dreams are still fresh, and the sadness hasn't hit me yet. When it all still feels real. Then I remember... Your hands, rough on my skin, the scent of sex still in our bed, how much more beautiful sunlight was when I was with you... But now when the sun's gone, when the summer's dead, when the falling leaves suffocate me, and I choke on everything you promised me... then I have to wonder whether that scent I remember in the mornings really is yours, if your hands really do feel that way, if the freckles on your cheek really do look like a constellation just like in my dreams... or if it was all just a wish, a dream. To keep me holding on. And just so you know... I will, until the day our tired hearts no longer beat. I'm the kind of girl who feels guilty about walking by someone disabled at a fast pace. I would rather walk home and give my last change to a charity than pay for the bus. I help people who don't care about themselves enough to bother to help themselves. My love for life is endless even when there have been times in my past where I couldn't look at my wrists without thinking about ending it. I believe my pain has made me a better person, and I wouldn't erase the memories that haunt me every day if I had the chance to. I don't believe that something can be "wrong", I believe there's no such thing as knowledge, only opinions, because if you think about it, your entire life could be one long acid trip that doesn't "really" exist. You sitting in front of your computer could be a dream. 'm the kind of girl who gives until she has nothing left, but won't stop giving just because someone doesn't have anything to give back. I'm only loyal if the loyalty is mutual. I hardly ever lose patience but when I do I canít regain it. I donít hate anyone, but I hate depending on unreliable people. I admire ignorant people because ignorance is bliss. I donít believe in regret, there's only what you did and didnít do. Thereís only experience. Iím strong and ask for nothing, but that doesnít mean i donít need something. I sometimes pretend to be stupid because life is easier if people think you are. I hate making decisions because I want everything life has to offer. I'm the kind of girl who has taken care of people my entire life, and because of it I forget who I am once in a while. Deze tekst krijg ik van een meisje, die het weer via iemand had gehad enzovoorts... maar ik vond het te diep om het voor mijn eigen te houden, daarom deel ik het met jullie...

Posted: 20:57, 8/1/2007
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