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My Cage of Despair


11/8/2006 - you

And i'll just leave it all behind

and i'll just never look back

You're not worth my sorrow

You're not worth any tears

You can't hold me down

You can't lift me up

You are not imported

You are nothing

You're

a waste of breath

a waste of time

 

 

and I just killed the cancer within.

I'll never care for u anymore

 

 

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10/8/2006 -

guess i'm mad

because sometimes

i still care about u

----------

It 'll pass

all will pass

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31/7/2006 - unopend

Unopened


Another misspelled rhyme
written in the book of time
In one page I've spent all my life
Ink ain't even dry. I've been living in a lie?
How could I trust in someone of your kind?

And I got today another letter in the mail
I can't read it here, not today
And when years go by
the unopened letter meets my eye
I'm older and wiser, but still afraid

What if I read it and it is - full of love
How can I face it if I am wrong

Do you feel? Do you care about me?
Did you wait and love me all this time?

I am here, would you come and find me
does your writing guide me thru this all

Oh oh oh

What if you'll tell me that I am wrong

Do you feel? Do you care about me?
Did you wait and love me all this time?

I am here, would you come and find me
does your writing guide me thru this all

Do you feel? Do you care about me?
(...)
I am here, would you come and find me, yeah
Do you feel? Do you care about me?
Did you wait and love me all this time?

(enveloping) I am here, would you come and find me
does your writing guide me thru this all
Do you feel? Do you care about me?
Did you wait and love me all this time?
I am here, would you come and find me
does your writing guide me thru this all


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30/7/2006 -

Ik heb jou begraven

In dat kil graf

In mijn koud hart

Ik ga verder

zonder jou

word gelukkig

ben gelukkig

met wat ik heb

Maar

je graf blijft open

In mijn koud hart

want wie weet

krijgen wij ooit nog de kans

die ons deze keer

niet gegeven was

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16/7/2006 - op reis

ben op reis :( ben over 10 dagen trug.
kga men bartje enoooorm hard en ondraaglijk  missen.

 10 dagen...zal een record worden in aantal dagen dat we elkaar niet zien.

Doet maar vies zo tgedacht datk men wederhelftje ni elke dag meer ga zien...

meow :(

ach kbel wel elke dag enzo eh , en vannacht bestalk ik je nog wel met smsjes ^^
bartje,ge gaat er ni goed van zijn alsk over 10 dagen trug ben: da kan ik zweren ^^ woei!!!

en ook een paar vriendjes ga ik missen...take care jullie... zal een ingebeeld kaartje strn :p


grtz allemaal

en bartje: khou pokke en zielsveel ,allesoverwelvend veel van je. Nix of Niemand krijgt ons uit elkaar. en the harder they try, the closer we get ;)

xxxxxx <3 u all (maar bart het meest!)

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15/7/2006 -

voorlaatste dag thuis...daarna 10 dagen op reis.

Vanavond nog een laatste nacht samen met men liefste Bart :)

en morgennacht vertrekken

Bartje; kga je missen

Maar amuseer je toch te pletter met de vriendjes!  profiteer ervan datk weg ben  

en NATURLIJK bel ik elke dag! en schrijf ik je elke dag een brief enzo .

kzal veel tekenen daar: zodat je trots op me kan zijn!

en leren voor de brommer en de auto he

 zodat we derna een beestje kunnen kopen vr Lotte

en natuurlijk ook de piercing enzo ...

 

*zucht* eindelijk kan ik weer ademen en men goeie zelf weer zijn... na al die maanden.

tdoet me deugd.

de voorbije maanden wil ik me zelf niet meer herinneren, want met wat ik nu weet en hoor te geloven...was alles gewoon 1 grote smerige leugen uit "zijn" mond.

Elk woord, alles wat ie deed,zelf wat hij schreef... vergifigend gewoon.en kweet datk wrs ni de 1e was dat erin was gelopen. T'is zoals Bart zo mooi kan zeggen :

 

alle mannen zijn jagers,

maar sommigen daarvan zijn stropers...

 

met die laatste had ik te maken ... dat soort van de 1 op de ander kruipt...

kzou em moeten haten vr al wat ie mij (en bart) heeft aangedaan. ondraaglijke maanden.

maar echt haten doe ik hem niet; op hem neerkijken wel als een vuile menselijke vod.

mss betert dat ooit, mss niet. Moet ie zelf maar bewijzen.

maar bon : dat dus alles verdringen en move on!

 

<3

 

 

 

 

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14/7/2006 - to all of you (some of you)

our suffering has stopped

as I find peace for the past in my forever broken heart

and you see

when I look back

I find my self betrayed by the one i would have loved the most those times

How he has poisoned me with empty words and broken vows

he promised me heaven and made me go through freezing Hell

I should have knwn a player has no heart

I should have known that filthy souls stay dark

And you, my love

you sufferd much

Because you knew who he realy was

said he wasn't true

he wouldn't stay

that players always stay the same

But I wanted

to believe HIS words so bad

so bad that i kept MY visions in my head

and through all the signs i couldn't see

his 'love' was killing every, single, part ,of ,me

 He, even tried to kill my very essence

he even tried to kill you...

But after all

you were stronger

Better than him

So you fought for me like no man would ever do

 With your strenght and courage , YOU helped me through

And then one day

He took my wings

But you gave them back

You colored what he had painted black

And from now one our world is more than shades of grey

the dark pales in this paradise we made

and I'm proud to have you by my side

for we no longer have to hide

as you treat me like your queen

i respect you as my only king

And together we rule

above them all

And from now on

no one will make us fall

we stumbled

but we're stronger now

No,

No one can tear us down

He tried to break us

in every way

He tried to seperate us

but you stayed

He moved the universe

and killed our world

He took my heart

but..

he forgot

about thing

that's so much stronger

than lust or love

he forgot YOU held my soul

and that soulmates never die...

--------------------------------

For I'm locked inside your heart

since the very first day we've met...

so

so

long ago...

--------------------------------

 

ach nu we toch bezig zijn (jaja twas en slapeloze nacht)...

 

+ Bartje: Jou dank ik om geen dag van mijn zijde geweken te zijn

en om je doorzettingsvermogen in harde tijden.

Ik dank je omdat je doorheen alles wat er is gebeurt, toch in my blijft geloven.

Omdat hier/er gewoon ALTYD bent als ik een luisterend oor/shoulder to cry on. nodig heb.

Om je moed om me in der tijd zo goed op te vangen toen Rocky stierf( ookal had je het zelf enorm moeilijk)

Omdat je me eig die gehele periode nooit hebt gepushed tot lichamelijk contact. (must have been hard)

Omdat je altyd zoveel begrip vr me opbrengt en mij toch op mijn fouten durft wijzen.

Omdat je mij zo steunt en support in alles (zowel op artistiek,psychologisch,filosofiesch,religieus en pedagigisch als fysiek) en je me toch tegenhoud als ik net iets te ver ovr de schreef dreig te gaan.

Omdat je me de tijd gaf  die ik nodig had om deze dingen te verwerken (tekst)

Omdat je jij mij het beste kent en dus weet wat ik meen niet meen, wanneer ik dingen uit machteloosheid en onder druk zeg en wanneer niet...en hiermee perfect weet om te gaan.(kweet dak gene gemakkelijke ben ;))

en omdat je altyd wel ene lach op men gezicht kan toveren , no matter how sad i am.

You're the only one who knows how to handle me he ;)

 

----------------------

 

Loki(my buddy)

 

eerst en vooral wil ik ff kwijt dat dolgelukkig ben je weer in men leven te hebben!

Zoals ik al eerder zei:

people hurt me, hate me, lopen me hun dwaze kop tegen de lamp en komen back , to me ^^

maar tis je vergeven hoor!

We beginnen nu allebei aan een VOLEDIG nieuwe start en laten hierbij enkele kostbare mensne in het verleden brengen. Alst soms ens moeilijk wordt...je weetk datk er vr je ben he.

Jouw wil ook nog bedanken om Bartje de voorbije maandan wat moed in te spreken en te steunen. Ge ziet : het heeft zen effect wel gehad in time ^^.echt bedankt daarom.Ook omdat je na alles toch nog het goede in mij blijft zien en me aanvaard zoals ik dus echt ben.Gy zijt echt iemand waarop ik kan rekenen, nomatter what. en kgeef enorm veel om je.

Bovendien zijt ge de geschifste mens op aarde ^^ wat u enorm grappig maakt...2 loki's zou deze aardkloot niet overleven :D

 

zeg, binnekort moeten we de Black *rubber* Pearl es uittesten eh!!(en stiekem moby dick vangen(arme Bart :p). ARRR matey! ^^

 

------------------------

 

Friends in vilvoorde: ook jullie wil ik nog ff speciaaaal bedanken om mij en VOORAL bartje ook goed op te vangen , met al die ziekenhuiszever enzo.En ook vr jullie preek ahum: wijze raad toenk wa vreesde voor men jaar.en vr de uberfijne tijd op GMM ^^ (summerbreeze wordt minstens eve leuk!) Denk ook wel da drheen alle sonze banden weer wa sterker zijn.en kwil jullie ook nogges bedanken om me nu niet scheef te bekijken na alles wa ik Bartje eig ten onrechte heb aangedaan... mjah hup nr de toekomst dus!

 

ejh ejh Fietsj kope?

 

-------------------------

Sven en stef en ...: ook fijn om jullie weer trug te hebben. En ja Stef : you were always right about WMT...happy?

 

--------------------

 

sabine: jaja zelfs jij ^^ben blij dage af en toe ens men gezaag kon aanhoren en me wa hielp om men problemen eig weg te lachen :)

 

keep in mind: Barbie is fake, en bambi ook. :p

always teher fot you too.

 

--------------------------

 

william: zelfs jij :) Na alles wa er ooit gebeurt is. No hard feelings. Klaat alles wgn 8er mij.

khoop gwn da je niet zo stom bent om niet WEER een relatie kapot te maken...want heb zo'n donkerbruin vermoede... weet ge; je hebt al genoeg kapot gemaakt vind ik...

Mr bon ; here for you: anytime :)

 

-----------------------

 

Besluit: Ik geloof dat deze voorbije maanden ons allemaal wel sterker hebben gemaakt en onze banden, vooral in de laatste weken, ook zijn  versterkt.Tuurlijk vreet het wel aan mij dat de persoon waarom ik alles gaf  zwaar heb moeten kwetsen waardoor ik opeens nix meer waard ben.Tegenstrijdige gevoelens hier.

Been there done that in zekere zin.en hieruit volgt dat als ik alles bekijk zoals het NU is, wat NU verloren en gewonnen is...denk ik dat ik meer gewonnen dan verloren heb...

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13/7/2006 - when angels deserve to die...

All alone, staring on
Watching her life go by
When her days are grey
And her nights are black
Different shades of mundane
And the one eyed furry toy
That lies upon the bed
Has often heard her cry
And heard her whisper out a name
Long forgiven, but not forgotten

You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're not forgotten

A bleeding heart torn apart
Left on an icy grave
In the room where they once lay
Face to face
Nothing could get in their way
But now the memories of the man are haunting her days
And the craving never fades
She's still dreaming of a man
Long forgiven, but not forgotten

You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're not forgotten

Still alone, staring on
Wishing her life goodbye
As she goes searching for the man
Long forgiven, but not forgotten

You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're forgiven not forgotten
You're not forgotten
You're not forgotten
No, You're not forgotten

----

your fault

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12/7/2006 - to you...

the corrs_dreams

 

Now here we go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who I am to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat...drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had
And what you lost

[Chorus]
Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you'll know

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness
Like a heartbeat...drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
What you had
And what you lost

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11/7/2006 - more than anything

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11/7/2006 - after all...

as I see these things happening to people
As i see the people around me
I feel desgust for what they are
for what they have become...

And I realize how different you are
I realize how beautiful you are

You are true to me
in whatever you do or say
And i know you will always stay
you are sooo good to me

I know
wherever I go
I can always count on you
And you would sacrifice the world
just for me
If I only asked you to

at least
You'll never hurt me
and I know because
You never did

And when I'm down
you are the one
who's there
by my side
to make me smile again

and when I'm happy
I share my smile with you
and then we laugh until we cry again :D

It's in the way you care for me
with all your heart
and in the way you're there for me
when I'm falling apart

It's in the way
you hold my hand
when we're walking down the street
and in the way you
you were driving me to the library :)

And I remember the day at the beach
when I was cold
you held me close
I could swear it was heaven

And the other night
when we were sitting on the bench
having deep conversations
the first time we've met

And I remember YOU
whiping away my tears
when my parents told me
they wanted a devorce


Well we had our good times
We had our bad
but I realize
I would be mad
To sacrifice you
for someone else

+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I thank you
for you patience
I know I'm not easy to live with

I thank you
for the energie you put in me
and for the times
you're sitting next to me
when I study for my exams

for the times
you listened to me
when my mind was troubled

and i thank you
to argue with me!
and for the fights we've had :)

I thank you
for being true to me
with all your heart

and
at least you're someone
of whom i know
where I stand
and of whom I know
I can trust...


and for that I love you

 

--------------------------------------------

 

at least, you never Left when we had our hard times

you were there

every day

by my side

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8/7/2006 - still

 

To you    

       

The sun goes down in flames

As I picture your face right before my eyes

Torturing my mind

Passing through these endless nights

Without you

Memories of older times

Of times, I used to feel alive

By your side

Holding you

Safe and warm

Far away from hate and  harm

In my mind I can go back

To the first day we’ve ever met

And I remember your smile

The exact clothes you wear

The tears in you eyes…

I remember your voice

And I still reach out for your hand

But the harder I try

The faster you slip away

Oh I remember your skin

Next to mine

The days we spent

And after all

I remember every word you said

The promises we made

We would last until the very end

Together through it all

And I remember king kong

And that very day I lost my mind

I remember your mom

Your brother

And your cats

I remember our goodbye’s

I think I hear you call again

In the middle of the night

But as I open my eyes

No one there

Staring at the drawing you made

Wondering if it’s still alive

Reading your letter

Over and over again

As I remember the older times

The ring on my finger

The sadness in my eyes

I’m your crying heart

You left behind

I’m your soul

you sold me that very night

Oh, I truly hate this distance

And I know you despise it too

If you’d give me one more chance

You’ll see I won’t mess up again

You’re too precious in my life

And I can’t let go of you

Nothing would tear us apart

Then look where  we’re now

If you don’t mind

I still care so deeply for you

And I love you

You know I do

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7/7/2006 - to an old friend...




In good old times, remember my friend

Moon was so bright and so close to us, sometimes



We were still blind and deaf, what a bliss?

Painting the world of our own, for our own eyes, now?



[CHORUS:]

"Can we ever have what we had then?

Friendship unbreakable

Love means nothing to me

Without blinking an eye

All those moments with you

If I had you beside me"



One cloudy day we both lost the game?

We drifted so far and away



Nothing is quite as cruel as a child

Sometimes we break the unbreakable, sometimes?



[CHORUS:]

"And we'll never have what we had then

Friendship unbroken

Love means nothing to me

Without blinking an eye

I'd fade, if so needed,

All those moments with you

If I had you beside me now"



I was unable to cope with what you said

Sometimes we need to be cruel to be kind

Child that I was, could not see the reason

Feelings I had were but sham and a lie?



I have never forgotten your smile

Your eyes, oh, Shamandalie



Time went by, many memories died

I'm writing this down to ease my pain



You saw us always clearer than me

How we were never meant to be

Love denied meant the friendship would die

Now I have seen the light

These memories make me cry



[CHORUS:]

"Can I ever have what I had then?

Friendship unbroken

Love means nothing to me

Without blinking an eye

I'd fade, if so needed,

All those moments with you

See the world with my wide open eyes


[CHORUS:]

Friendship got broken

There's no other for me

Like the one of my childhood days

Can you forgive me?

Love got better off me,

On that one day back in old times"



-------------------------------------------



I hope ur dream came true, mine betryaed me...

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1/7/2006 - The cage

. The Cage

[w/Jens Johansson's solo]

A lifetime ago, with frozen eyes they closed the door.
Suddenly I realized what locks are for. No trusting them anymore, lights -
are - out.

Empty the stare, innocent and unaware, dragged out from my home ,my lair.
Earmarked me, hurt me, burned me.

The walls around me, eyes surround me, feed my fear again.
I must be freed or I will die before the harvest moon, my friend.
I do not have another year in me, you've gotta set me free.

The dream is alive, I can run up the hills every night,
go around and see another side of the tree.
Freedom has a meaning for me, howl with me.

Fear in the dark, I advice you. You can not see the eyes, they grow behind
you....
It's my song they now sing to you.
You stand no chance....

They'll kill for me, steal back my freedom, set me free, it's my minions vs.
thee.
Fiery the vengeance, hate will drain me.

The walls around me, eyes surround me, feed my fear again.
I must be freed or I will die before the harvest moon, my friend.
I do not have another year in me, you've gotta set me free.

The dream is alive, I can run up the hills every night,
go around and see another side of the tree.
All I want is to be untamed and free, howl and (dream).

The dream is alive, with the moon on the hills every night,
run around and see another side of the dream.
Freedom has a meaning for me, you can't tame me...

You will remember the day you crossed my path.
leave me without a guard and you feel my wrath.
What you have done to me has made me bitter and cruel.
I'll see that all the hate you spread returns to you, you, to you...

The walls around me, eyes surround me, feed my fear again.
I must be freed or I will die before the harvest moon, my friend.
I do not have another year in me, you've gotta set me free.

The dream is alive, I can run up the hills every night,
go around and see another side of the tree.
All I want is to be untamed and free, howl and (dream).

The dream is alive, with the moon on the hills every night,
run around and see another side of the dream.
Freedom has a meaning for me, you can't tame me...

The dream is alive, I can run up the hills every night,
go around and see another side of the tree.
All I want is to be untamed and free, howl and (dream).

The dream is alive, with the moon on the hills every night,
run around and see another side of the dream.
Freedom has a meaning for me..


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26/6/2006 -

gmm zit erop...*snik*

maar het was echt het allerbeestigstestesteste jaar ooit.

vooral de samenhangende groep mensen/vrienden zorgde voor de goede sfeer...

en tzien van enkele gezichten uitt verleden was ook ens fijn.

 

en hoera voor lotte en bartje want wij hebben geen ruzie gemaakt!*flos*

 

maar tis al gedaan

de drank is vergoten :p

 

en nu ist uitkijken naar volgend jaar.

 

maar eerst nog wacken, partysan en summerbreeze... die moeten minstens even goe worden!

 

*happy maar meurg*

 

 

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21/6/2006 - crash day.

Today folks; is happy CRASH DOWN day!!

U better stay there ...in the antisocial zone , for today.

If not;

Maybe you're lucky and i only kick your ass

otherwise I could tear you down with me.

don't talk to me! you're warned...

So fuck off while I loose my freaky mind!

 

Maybe tomorrow  is a better day...maar betwijfel het ...nog n examen.urrrgh.

 what's the use of it anyway?

 

pfff bloggen...

what's the use of that? :s

ach kga iets anders zoeken...

er moet iets beter zijn dan dit...

 

*bier*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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20/6/2006 - ach?

...nog 2 examens te gaan... can't stand it anymore... another wasted year...

Feeel the urge to draw to paint, to wriiite, to drink, te forget, to everything exept for exams !!! 

but.... most of all ....to DRAaaaaaaW---------AAAW!!!!!

 

En we gaan van start met GRASSSSPPOP! jawel! ook dit jaar...

 

Twordt wel een drukke vakantie,(festivals, shoots, vakantie, ART!,...)

 maar anders dan vorig jaar...

nieuwe mensen, verloren gezichten...

we zien wel wat er komt!

 

Nu eerst examens...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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19/6/2006 - misschien vandaag?

 

Misschien is vandaag DE dag om met deze blogzever te beginnen...

 

 want vandaag is de dag...*kuch*

VANDAAG IS DE DAG! DAT DE MENSHEID MASSAAL DEPRI BESLUIT TE ZIJN...

en ik denk:

"waarom delen ze geen 'guns' uit ipv condooms... tzou helpen..."

 

 

 

 

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