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Sorry not sorry
Do you agree?
Do you also have that you have like your friendsgroup and some of those people who just don't fit in but do are your friends, and then when you have a problem or something the outstanders come to you and help you, and they just are the sweetest? Well I do have that and it is very irritating because my "real' friends are just the best for at school and hanging out with, but then when you really need someone the 'weirder' people come to me to help me and support me. It is so weird because I just dont know who my real friends are anymore.
By the way I yesterday or the day before I tried to upload a entry but it didn't really work. It was maybe one of the largest ones and I really dont want to write it all over again so I will just tell you a little bit what was in there.
Well, Devill and I are jogging for two or tree weeks now and we try to do it twice a week. I really want to lose weight because I just dont like myself this way, so Angel and I had a plan. We are going to upload (or just type) every first week of the month our diagram or schema were is in when we are going to train and what we are going to eat that upcomming 4 weeks. We can than watch ourselfes so that we won't like become to skinny and so that we wont become to fat.
I think this is a kind of what I wanted to tell so bye..
PS: I'm sorry if I sometimes just don't use this one: '. Because I am not really accurate in that way.
Oh I am so happy! I have no bad grades on my grades list anymore. Well I also did the best I could. I am soooooooo happy right now!!
And another happy thing is that friday is 'prom'. And I just heard that almost none of the 'bitches' go! So it is just going to be a normal party without flirting with everybody, kissing, dancing over sexual and shit like that. I am today going to buy a dress so I am very exited.
Me and a friend (my best) are jogging from now on.....or I don't know if you can call it like that, but we try! It is a lot of fun. And then when we are on our way jogging we go to 'our horse', he is not our horse at all but he looks abandoned so we decided to take care of her. She is a black large beautiful horse and she is very shy but so cute. We fell in love with her!
Wow I really love jogging, it gives me the feeling that I CAN become skinny. When I jog and I have music on it is like I can reach everything and I don't have to worry at all. In real life that is so different, I have to work so hard for everything and than still it doesn't works out. But the point I wanted to make was: I love jogging (and Miley Cyrus).
I didn't even told you that I am the biggest Smiler in the entire world. Ok maybe that isn't fully true, but I love her. I love her music I love her feeling behind her music, I mostly love her clothes (although I think some of the things she is wearing is TOO). Well you get it now. I LOVE HER!! You know the weird thing about her music is that if I listen to it it makes me feel like I am perfect and I can reach everything and I don't have to be scared because everything is going to be fine. She just gives me the confidence I need.
The dream to become skinny has become the fight to become skinny
Wow I wish it soooo badly that I can become skinny. Why are almost all my friends so skinny and I am the only person who isn't? Just today when I were shopping with Emma and Carmen we went to a shop called the Pieces and we saw a super pretty legging. It was only in the sice Small so I was already like I don't fit it. But Emma sad you do fit it you are so skinny, I could shoot her at that moment. We were in the changingroom and I was going to fit in the legging, but it just didn't fit. Than I sad that he was lots to small for me. Emma still wantedd to try it on (probably because she knew that I wass a lot fatter), when she had it on she was like it fits perfectly. I felt so bad!
I just need to become a lot skinnier! But how? I just love to eat... Please give me some tips!
Sometimes you just need to trust someone so much that if that persons messes something up your entire life is over.. I am bad at keeping someones trust because I say things pretty fast. But some secrets like really secrets are save by me... Trust me!
Although some secrets are so hard to not tell to your best friends. I need to tell it to someone and I think this blog is the lucky one. Sorry but in this entry part I will not use names otherwise I will not survive..
When I was still in class 1 I got a text from a friend. She was saying that she didn't wanted to live anymore and that she felt so awfull. She was planning to jump for the train... I couldn't believe it and I dind't knew what to text back. I really didn't knew why he/she texted me and I was so scared. The next day I had a awfull feeling in my stomach, and I thought that if he/she did had jumped in front of the train it was all my mistake. Finally he/she never jumped in front of the train.
He/she still texted me about that her life sucks and that he/she hates his/herself. And that person also smokes.... Because he/she has 'friends' who wait for him/her to come home and than they offer her a sigaret and he/she thinks that if he/she says no they will not like him/her anymore. He/she comes always to me with his/her problems and I don't know what to do with it. Help?!
So over this..
My class is such a gaos. There are two super different groups: the bitches and our group. We are having a lot of problems with them. Because they always come late and they are always very bitchy even to the teachers. And now we told our mentor about this problem, and she is compleatly freaking out.
The group consists of 5 people: Nikki, Judy, Tessa, Vera and Floor. They are all attention-sluts!
But just this afternoon I was in the bus together with Nikki. She told me about the conversations she had with our mentor and that she again freaked out. And she sad to me that our mentor got mails from parents from the children of our class that they were annoying and stuff.....but my mother also sended a mail to out mentor so it was a kind of awkward, and I just sad: Yes I heard something like that.
Nikki also talks bad about Floor to me. And then I am like: Ok, but when she is at school you act like you are best friends....I just don't get them...
I will tell you something more about Floor because she is a kind of very intresting... Well Floor is a tall, skinny, bitchy girl. She loves to have the attention from boys, mostly when they are older. She doesn't really has to work hard for school because she learns really fast, and that is why she doesn't cares about the lessons. But one of her 'Bestfriends' if really bad at learning so she needs the lessons and Floor just distracts her. Well Floor got the disease of Pfeiffer and she is almost never at school (but she does goes shopping when she isn't at school, weird he?!). Nikki told me that it could be that she got that disease from one of the 5 boys she kissed at a hockey party, such a slut!
Now you know about who I am talking when I say Floor..
These class problems are already there for like a year or something.... And it just doesn't improve, althought when the English teacher asks us if it is going better we are all like: Yes it is really improving... But the bitchy thing is never improving. And we all still hate our class.
One of the hard things about this all is that if I am together with only one of 'the bitches' they are so nice to me and I could so be friends with them. But in class and if they are together...
Probably our class will always be one of the stupids classes in the world!
I never thought about that I could be guilty about so many things.
I just had a fight with my sister about me wearing her pants...Whats the big deal about that? Come on. But after the fight I am the person who feals guilty..
At school everything has to be so complicated....No single boy likes me, and they only make fun of me. And then my ''friends'', they dont even whait for me after class. Why can't I be the hot girl everybody loves.. Prom is coming closer and my two best friends want to wear the same dress.. Probably it will look great on them, and I will be a sausage in that dress. I am not even exciting about going. But if I tell them they will be like: ' Aww what's up?'. They just don't understand me! :/
You know...I have some old friends who I know I can always realy on. But I don't see them anymore/a lot.
One of those friends is the girl I made this blog together with. She is my best friend/sister, only after primary school we were separated and you know that really sucks. Sure we have both our own lifes and probably we don't even think about eachother so much but still...I mis her.
Well we made this blog so that we will know what the other person was doing.. And we both watch Awkward and we thought that was a great way to follow eachothers lifes :P. But we both know that our blogs will never be so important as that of Jenna's and we still thought it would be fun...
I got to do a lot of homework now so...
(After reading it twice I deletedd so much :)
A fun night!
Yesterday I went to a friend (Emma). I wasn´t alone because Judy and Nynke were there to. Ok they both aren´t my friends but it was school so I had to do that. When we were done with our school thing Nynke left. Then Judy got a text from Tessa ( a bitch from my class) if she could come over. I really didn´t wanted that because I thought it was a kind of nice to be with the 3 of us. But Judy sad yes so Tessa came over.
It was dinner time and I thought yes now they are leafing but no Emma sad do you want to stay for dinner? And they both stayed. Yes, there went my nice evening. But after dinner (we ate pizza!) we went to the forest it was really scary but also so much fun. I was all dark outside and Judy and me were all the time screaming and giggeling because we were so scared.
Then after one hour Judy left. And Emma Tessa and I went to Emma her room. We spamed my hole Snapchat it was so much fun. After all I think Judy and Tessa are nice......I would love to chill with them another time ;)
Ps: Sorry for posting nothing in such a long time..x
Friends are like dogs, if he is mean you hate him but when he is nice you love him.
Today I went with some friends during school to the city, they had to do a project for school and Emma and me just went with. Just when we were going Mats also went with (probably because Emma went). We only had 3 bikes but we were with 6 people. and 2 of them didn't wanted someone on the back. After a while Emma and Mats were both running, they looked a kind of inlove. On the way back to school Emma and Mats were biking next to eachother. But I was on the back of the bike were Emma was on! It was really awkward, I felt like I was distracting them from something.
When we were at school we had to practice for a Music thingy. Emma and I are both the singers of our band. We were wearing caps. On the end Mats came in and graped one of those caps and weared it. Well that was my cap, but he was looking at Emma like look at me I am wearing your cap. We were also wearing leopard print leggings (this was all just for the show) we were just singing when the door opened and two of the boys came in. They wanted to see our leopard printed leggings. I didn't really wanted them to see it so I was a kinda hiding it behind the piano but Emma just when to the door and showed her legging. The boys were like 'Oww hot' and I was like stop it Emma. Sometimes she is such a attention slut.
I almost forgot to tell that I had a kinda of a good grade for math! I am really happy about that because I have a 5 on my list..
Well I have to go learning now.. I have two test Friday.
2014 Just started. I thought that it would be a lot different than 2013, well that is not true. I want to improve so much this year but I think that it will just be like every other year. I will try!
That was enough about that. Lets move on.
I just can't get Mats out of my head. I don't want to love him. But when he talks to me I feel so inlove. It is hard to talk with my friends about it they think I am already over him for like a year or something. They already thought it was a joke when I told them about it the first time.
And then there is also that guy I met on the internet, he is so nice to me. But I just can't believe that he really likes me that much. Maybe when I text him is he just laughing about that I really believe him. I would love to met him but I don't dare. Should I just met up with him?
Tonight the new year will start: 2014!
Hopefully next year will be the year of luck and love and stuff...Because (last) this year a kind of sucked. Well it didn't really suck but my grades went horribly down. And no boyfriend.. I met some really cool guys but they only want to be friends (I gus, i can't read their minds). I also met a boy on the internet he is really nice. But well, probably nothing will work out. And we will just stay internet friends.
Now i am going to friend of my parents, to celabrate the new year. Tomorrow I will post more boring stuff about my super special life :P
Ps: HAPPY NEWYEAR!
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The dream to become skinny has become the fight to become skinny
So over this..
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