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my life

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So in love...

Posted on 22/1/2014 at 22:13 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

Well I'm already in a relationship with my BF for a month. 
He becomes sweeter by the day. I hope we can celebrate next sunday.
He stayed with me last weekend. That was so beautiful. 
Everything was perfect with him. My bed still smells like him hahah. 

In may he has a bodybuilding contest, and maybe that I can go with him, 
but I don't think so cuz I have to go to school that day... 


the past in the present.

Posted on 15/1/2014 at 21:47 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

when you think the worst part of the day was done... your mom comes up with the worst things of my past... 

Bullying start in 5th grade of junior school. I was way different than the other kids in my class. They called me 
fat, and gave me nicknames like fat ass and all that. 

Bullying never stopped. I'm now in the 3th grade of middle school. and they keep calling me like that. 

in march 2009 my grandma died from cancer, not very long after that I got it too, but I got rid of it. I wrote a song
for my grandma and she wanted me to sing it at her funural. So I did. I still sing the song every night for her. 

in september 2009 my parents got divorced. I don't see my father very often cuz bassically I live with my mother. 
After they got divorced my whole family fell appart. I don't see the brothers of my mom anymore. I barely have 
contact with them and they never come to my birthday ever again. The family on my fathers side almost never
talk to me anymore. only some because I do baseball and they come to my games sometimes. But I don't 
see the rest anymore. 

Because of the divorce my father didn't have enough money to keep the caravan on the camp. So he had to sale
it. My best friends were on that camp. I hated my father so much that he sold the caravan. 

I got no one left. My family is gone. My best friends are gone. everyone is gone. Sometimes I feel so alone. And 
I ask myself would anyone notice if I'm gone. That's when the emo stuff came up. I was punishing myself. The 
hurting that I did to myself were worse than the pain that others gave me. I tried to kill myself 3 times. But every
time I got saved by Michiel. My best friend in summer 2013. I met him in the bus, on my way to school. He was 
deaf and he teached my signing. He also died from cancer in 2013. And again I was alone. 

and now, just a couple minutes ago I got into a fight with my mom. I asked her why my BF couldn't sleep with me
in the same room. And she replied with: "Idk if I can trust him. Idk him enough to trust him." So I got angry. If we 
wanted to do something we already did. And I already told him what I was ready for and what not. She gave me 
the feeling that she doesn't trust me. Cuz she doesn't. 


worst day ever...

Posted on 15/1/2014 at 20:37 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

Yeah... Well ... Today wasn't the best day I ever had... 

I got into a fight with a girl who was talking shit about me, and I punched a guy in the face because he said my boyfriend was fake.

So I have a conversation with my mentor and principal tomorrow. 

Okay well, this is what happened: 
Me and two friends were on our way to school. I got a message on whatsapp from an other friend of mine. She sended this: 
"Heyyyy there! listen, I just heard from someone that you kissed T.... is that true??!! :o" 
I totally freaked out. He's just a friend of mine, and I don't even like him, and besides that, I have a BF. Why should I kiss him?!
So I sended back: "No, who told you that?"
She replied with the name of the biggest liar of my school. It was pretty obvious but anyway. I am pissed off at her. 
As soon as I got into my school I went looking for her. As soon as I found her I asked her very nice why the fuck she said that.
She was all like "I didn't said it... It wasn't me..." But I knew it was her. So I started screaming & scolding at her. 
She pushed me away, so I punched her. While we were fighting my phone fell out of my pocket. My teacher now has my phone. 
So I spended the rest of the day in the 'jail-room'. Cuz "Fighting is not acceptable in this school." said my principal. 

That's part one of my day. Than we are at school break at 12.10 P.M. 
My phone was taken by the teacher, I can pick it up next week after school. 
The news was spreading really fast. Everyone knew. So a lot of people came down to me and said "How can you keep contact with your BF?"
So I was like "Relax, I have an other phone at home, and I have skype. No big deal." 
But than this really annoying guy came up to me and asked the same thing.
But he added some with it: "How can you keep in contacht with your BF? Or doesn't he exist?" 
I already wasn't in a good mood, but he only made it worse. I stood up, stand right in front of him, and I punched him right in the face. 
T.... grabbed my arm and pulled me away from him. So he was lucky. For now. 

You might think now that I'm like a girl that only resolve her problems with fighing. No I don't. I'm mostly not someone who fights. 
Just don't talk shit about me, or my BF, or my friends. Nobody wants that. 

It was pretty funny cuz when I got home I borrowed my sisters phone and texted my BF what happened. 
He was like: "really... I'm 100% real." and he also said: "You didn't had to punch him, I can do that for you." 
I was on the floor because I fell from laughing to hard. 

I don't regret what I've done today. When I told my father this is what he said: 
"Did you started?" "No dad." "You got trouble?" "Yes dad." "Did you won the fight?" "Yes dad." "Good, I'm proud of you." 
And when I told my mom she started scream at me, and I got a speeche about how bad fighting is. 

Well I didn't learned a thing from it. So it wasn't a best experience :D But anyway, they won't do it again. 


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