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dazzled by you

I've given myself a challenge and I want to use this blog to inspire people to make the best of your life.

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The Challenge Day 1

Posted at 20:48 on 2/10/2011

I want to share something with you. Something that might inspire some, something that might seem strange to others. I know every one has an opinion but I would appreciate if you didn't bash on my blog about me.

So only continue if you are really interested because otherwise you are just wasting my and your time.

At daytime I'm your average student. I want to get good grades and I try to work as hard as I can to finish my education. Howerver, at night I'm a over-thinker, a music obsessed geek and there's nothing that I can do about it.


Don't get me wrong, I love that I'm obsessed with music and that I can see the beauty in every living thing but over-thinking tends to be a problem. My little sister has told me plenty of times that I can make a small problem into a very big problem and that I can see problems in almost every situation. It's not that I want them there. I just happen to think about every situation about a thousand times untill I get tired of myself. But I'm really trying to work on that because I'm only scaring myself with all the thoughts running through my head.


And as fascinating as my negative side may be that's not what I wanted to talk about. The thing I want to talk about has been nagging my brain forever and I can't seem to get it out untill I write it down on paper and do something with my thoughts. What can this problem be, you mag ask?


Let me start at the beginning, or better said when I realised what my problem was. This happened yesterday. I was at a party thrown by one of my best friends. She had just turned twenty so that was the reason for the party. But that is besides the point. The point is that at the time I was chatting with my other best friend. I turned around because I heard a noise behind me. But while I was turning I caught sight of myself in the glass door. And I saw this person, this girl, that wasn't me. Now I'm aware that it was me but while I was watching me all I could think was that it wasn't me.


I haven't been able to stop thinking about it ever since. Before I continue I should tell you something more about myself. I'm a girl, I have curly dark hair and dark brown eyes. I study Business communication at the Radboud University. I'm kind of a music geek and I love to goof around with my friends.


But now comes my secret, I'm obsessed with food. My obsession started in my final year of High School. The pressure of the final exams and the death of my grandfarther were too much for me and I was angry at almost everything. But especially at myself and the entire world. But I'm not a girl that likes to fight so I simply stopped eating. That was the only thing that I could control and to say it lightly it turned to far. I had lost so many weight that I was send to a dietist and people claimed that I had anrexia.


I still tend to fight agains this term, because yes I had lost a lot of weight but I did't do it because I was insecure of my weight. I did it because it was the only thing that I could control. Anyways with the help of a therapist I found a way to gain my weight back. But there is still a problem.


My food obsession turned to other way. Instead of not eating, I kept on eating. Whenever I feel sad or angry or any emotion at all I start eating and sometimes I feel that there is no stop. This makes me sad which makes me eat again and I end up being in a cycle. But it is time to break through this cycle. I've had enough!


And that's why I've said a challenge for myself. I have untill Christmas and New Years to lose ten pounds. That is two and a half months, seventy five days.


I feel like I can do it. I know that I can do it because Í've done it before. I want to do it because I think that my life will be easier once I've lost that extra weight. Because now I feel like I hold back because I'm ashamed of my weight but that will all change once that extra weight is gone.


And I for one can't waited.
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